Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
