Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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