I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
