can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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