dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
