That's when you crack a 10am beer
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
