so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
