One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I can't trust your balls anymore.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
