Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
