mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
