My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
