are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
