So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
