Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize