After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
