I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
