so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
