she kept yelling 'call me bella'
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
