$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize