all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
