I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
