hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
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