While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Randomize
