Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
