i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Found the puke drawer
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
