She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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