Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
