You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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