Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
