He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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