She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
