i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
