I'm pants shitting drunk right now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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