If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Pooping to opera.
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