youre lurking in front of me
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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