I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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