Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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