btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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