the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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