If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
