What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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