he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
