now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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