she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
