if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
