I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
She just used a chaser for red wine.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
