i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
