The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
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