the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
