i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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