Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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