How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
My life is pants optional.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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