Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
