Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Randomize