I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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