Umm I'm too high to move.
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
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