thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I wish you could order shots online.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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