So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
