I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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