Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
