It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize