batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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