I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, beer. Big fan.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
