I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
