i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
