I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize