i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
