i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Randomize