Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
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