Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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