i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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