who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
