I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I deserve this hangover.
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