I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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