just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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