i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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