If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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