the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
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