Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
