I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Randomize
