I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
