Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
