I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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