Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
