She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
