Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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