he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
