my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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