I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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