i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
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