I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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