you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize