She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I'm always down for nudity.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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