He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
