Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
our cab driver is having phone sex.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
