im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
