No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
