My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
