I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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