listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
