from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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