i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
